so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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