I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
