I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
