I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
