is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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