are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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