You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
