I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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