Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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