So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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