You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
