Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can I color on your dick again?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
