We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
