drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
