If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
