its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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