Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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