I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
