No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
