She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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