I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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