Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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