Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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