omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize