3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
