She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
