i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
