I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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