OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
