it wasn't lemon gatorade
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
