Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
