pop tarts are not kleenex
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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