I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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