is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
