Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
PANTIES FOUND
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
