connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you mean i was at the winter classic?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
