she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
