TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
