Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
