You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
