someone get that fucking seahorse.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
