I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
