Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
