i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
