She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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