I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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