my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
try to milk me bitch
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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