Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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