Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
