all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
A bitchslap is in order.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
