im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
