i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
