he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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