you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
