yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize