Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
me + whiskey = a bad person
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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