I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
