Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
