I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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