I faked an abortion last night.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
