And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
