So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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