sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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