Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
