Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
