so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
