...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
