Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
