Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
