you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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