Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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