I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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