So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
