Your tits are I can't wait for
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
