Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
