I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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