i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
