walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
