We're like a lot better than the average bears
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
