I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize