can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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