your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
