So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
