Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize